Being in love is tough. People often talk of the honeymoon period. The first few months or years of a new relationship where everything is fun, exciting and impulsive. However not all couples experience this. For others, the start is full of complications and hurdles which we must jump over before growing into the ultimate couple.
Regardless of how your relationship started, there are some pretty important signs to look out for. Subtle indicators that something isn’t quite right. That maybe, the two of you just aren’t meant to be. If ignored, these can grow into a horrendous breakup and, if you are married, could lead to an expensive mediation attorney bill.
One of the first signs things aren’t right between you is when you feel you are walking on eggshells. Being with someone means there will be times where you argue or disagree. That’s ok. It’s natural. However if you find yourself in a constant or regular state of anxiety then the something is wrong.
Living in fear of upsetting your partner is extremely unhealthy and if you are constantly trying to make sure someone else is happy, or playing to their demands and the expense of your own needs, then you will stop living a life which makes you feel fulfilled. Instead you will be focussed, almost obsessed, with ensuring you please your partner. Firstly, this isn’t sustainable. Trying to be someone we aren’t to make another person want us, will only lead down the road to disaster. You will also start to question if you are a good person, if you are worthy of love because you keep letting the other person down. You’ll find there are more arguments because every day will feel like so pressurised. When we feel under pressure and anxious, we tend to snap easier.
If you find yourself walking on eggshells you need to first stop, then take some time to breathe. It might be that your partner has exceedingly high standards, perhaps ones that are unrealistic. This could be due to a personality disorder such as OCPD. If it is, then you need to talk openly and honestly with your partner. Then, you need to work out if you want to live your life trapped in this state. If your partner refuses to talk or just places the blame on you, it’s time to get out.
Another sign things aren’t right is if you find yourself convinced that you need the other person. Do you feel like you couldn’t live without them? That your life would be awful if they weren’t in it? Feeling afraid to lose a person you love is perfectly normal. Being unable to bare the thought of them cheating or leaving you is normal. You love them. Of course you don’t want to imagine your world without them in it. However if you have become dependent on them and feel you need them in your life to be a better or stronger person, then you aren’t in the right frame of mind to be in a relationship.
When love hurts more than it feels like heaven, then it might be time to rethink your situation.