If there’s one thing that can be said for marriage, it’s that no one goes into a wedding thinking that their marriage will end. Unfortunately, we live in a time where we don’t fix broken things anymore, we throw them out and replace them, and this is likely why the rate of divorce is rising instead of falling. For a lucky few couples, they make it through ten, then twenty, then thirty and more years of marriage with scars and scratches but otherwise whole and intact together. Marriage takes a lot of work, and at the very beginnings of marriage you have a honeymoon phase where you are enjoying each other’s company. All you have to do is be selfish for each other and think about the needs of one person. Children then come along, work gets busy and there are ‘things’ that dilute the time you get to spend together, and when you DO spend time together you tend to talk about the kids and work. It’s life – things get busy.
It’s sad that people start to feel like they’re growing up and out of their marriage, instead of realising that they are growing up together. They are changing together and learning together and that’s how it should be. You should be able to get to that ruby wedding anniversary, still holding hands and still happy to see the person you promised your life to every single day. Sometimes, when things get a little stale, marriage can feel like it’s a drag. It feels like you have been plodding along and it gets boring. Rediscovering each other again when the children grow up can feel frightening. What if you don’t feel the same way anymore? What if the quirks that drew you to your partner at the start are now the things that annoy you? How can you even rediscover each other again?
Travel seems to be the biggest thing that couples do together once the children have flown the nest. Taking time away from the home to be in each other’s company without the distractions of children and work is important. Finding the perfect location for a couple’s retreat, where you can enjoy activities together, somewhere comfy to sleep and delicious food without the interruption of daily life. That time together can renew the connection that got a little lost over the years. Making an effort for each other in your daily routines and life can shine a light over the things you fell in love with. Making that morning cup of tea in the way you know they love it, or picking up a new novel you know your partner will love and bringing it home for them can make such a difference. Choosing to put them first in your mind when it’s been such a long time since you have had each other to talk about can reignite that lost flame.
Marriage may lull, but you have it in your power to bring the light back to the surface. Don’t miss your shot at true love and happiness.