Chances are that if you’re reading this, your relationship has done more than just become sour. Whether you are the husband or the wife, your partner has made your life a living hell. Never would you have believed it could come to this when the person you love, has now become your enemy. There are lots of reasons why this could have happened and some of them not in your control at all. Unfortunately, some spouses become incredibly controlling once they settle into married life, even though they showed no signs of such a side to them before. They can force you into living a life in fear, and lash out when you disobey. Other times they may guilt you into staying with them. If you find them cheating and threaten to leave, they can act as if they are going to harm themselves to force you into staying. Mental manipulation beyond a point is a form of mental abuse in a relationship. Physical abuse is a cut and dry issue, if they ever put their hands on you and hurt you, this is a clear and present danger. So what can you do to help yourself?
Pulling someone aside
Once serious abuse begins in the home, whether it’s physical or mental, you need to tell someone who you truly trust. You don’t have to go into detail, but for the purpose of evidence and noting the occasion and the incident, you should create a rapport with someone that may later help you. This is because incidents happen so quickly, and unless you actually plan to somehow document them, it’s your word against your abuser. Informing a parent or a close friend that you are being beaten or mentally abused by your partner, can also help relieve stress. And because you’re talking about it with someone, you can formulate your thoughts and stop your mind from racing. Speaking through your stressful situation slows it down, allows you to think clearly. The person who you are talking will offer you their shoulder to cry on, a safe place to be when you’re with them. They may even be so kind as to offer you a place to stay if things get really bad at home. Most importantly they will reaffirm your options, they’ll be able to look at your problem from the outside and see what you’re doing wrong or right.
Use a smartphone
There is nothing in the world more damning as evidence than video and audio proof of the abuse you’re suffering. It’s not like you have the reflexes of a cat and can suddenly turn on your smartphone video camera and record the abuse. However if you have become accustomed to how the abuse begins and how it grows and grows before it gets extremely worrying, you can plan ahead. Always make sure that your phone is charged and ready to go. Find locations in all the rooms where your smartphone would be safe from being exposed. The shot angle should be of the entire room so nothing is in a blind spot.
When you’re certain that your partner is going to begin abusing you, try to be subtle and not let them see what you’re doing for a second. Place your smartphone in a camouflaged spot or partially hidden with just the lens exposed. Remember to put your phone on silent with no tones or noises being sounded from it. Hit record and carry on like nothing happened. The abuse will be caught on camera and that way, there is no denying it if and when it goes to court or when the police come to your house. If you would rather build up your case, then just keep saving the videos and uploading them to a private Google Drive account. Keep them in a folder that is inconspicuous; e.g. name the folder the videos are in as you would a work folder etc. after you upload the videos, delete them off your phone just in case your spouse checks your phone.
Image by CFullerDesign
Getting a just conclusion
When enough is enough and you want to end the torment, then you need to be brave and move forward with divorce proceedings. In our culture, we know the consequences posed by divorce which is why so many choose to just settle outside of court and get it over with. This means that mediation is the course of action taken. The mediator is the person in the middle that will speak with both parties and present each of them with the opposite party’s negotiation stance. What they want and what they’re willing to give essentially. Since you have every right to skip this phase which is usually a matter of first practice, you hire a lawyer to negotiate on your behalf.
Spruce Grove Divorce Lawyers explain why you should skip the mediation phase and one of their key points is the presence of physical and mental abuse. As with so many cases of a spouse posing a danger, you have every right to vigorous fight to win the divorce. If you have any evidence present it to your lawyer and they can take the case into a new direction where you will be the victor. Judges will ask the reasons for divorce and why the marriage is no longer sustainable. The reasons you state are the grounds for divorce which are legally important as they will hold the gravity of the cause that had lead to the legal process of divorce being triggered and indeed finalized. For the sake of your safety, abusive spouses are almost always made to be divorced by the judges if the evidence is present. Consequently, you will get the larger portion of assets and any equity you both hold names too.
It’s more painful that it is sad when you’re in an abusive marriage. It’s no longer a question of why your spouse is hurting you but how you can get out of this dangerous situation. Collect evidence to support your case, talk to someone close about what’s going on and when it’s time, be ready to skip the mediation phase and go straight to a lawyer to fight on your behalf.