Breaking up is hard to do, said Neil Sedaka, and he wasn’t wrong. Whether you’ve gone through a divorce, or you’ve gone through a break up outside a marriage, ending a relationship is stressful and painful. Throw in some kids and you’ve got yourself a recipe for sadness. Having children changes the way that you think about everything, and when you are trying to manage your own feelings during a crumbling relationship, trying to deal with the feelings of your children is not the easiest.

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Firstly, it’s important to know that if a relationship isn’t right for you, you need to get out of it whether children are involved or not. It sounds harsh, but children shouldn’t dictate your own happiness, when two people don’t love each other anymore, children can pick up on that atmosphere. Struggling to stay together for the sake of the children is going to do no favours to anyone, least of all the kids. You can find a great mediation attorney instead, so that you can work out how to talk through your issues together and come to a reasonable solution where the children are concerned. Your relationship wasn’t always sour even if it is right now and finding a balance with your now ex is going to be hard.

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Unravelling your feelings, moving out of the family home and striking a balance between your working life and swapping the children over every weekend is something that is going to take some getting used to. Living by yourself after being in the family home together for so long is tough, but there are some things that you can do to make it easier. Co-parenting with an ex is hard but turning toward positive co-parenting is the only way you can all get along while making life smoother for the children. Here are some positive tips to keep that balance solid while you get used to a different kind life:

  • Putting the way that you feel during a split to one side – on both parts – is important. Children need to see that you can unite as parents, even if you can’t unite as a couple. If you bicker and fight, do it away from the children and decide to put your relationship to bed when they are around. Solid parents equal secure children; remember that.
  • Effective communication about the kids is so important. If the relationship has broken down in a way that is bitter and difficult, you still need a way to talk about the children. The options can be text messages and a phone call, but the best way to do it is in writing. Use a notebook to update time with the kids like a diary that passes between you. Communication without actual words.
  • Once times are set to see the children, keep to them. Don’t mess the other person around. The only way to keep things smooth and calm is to avoid rocking the boat.

Life doesn’t have to be hard with a break-up, as long as you can find a balance, you’ll be just fine.