We know we let people do it, but we don’t make the changes necessary. When people take advantage of us, it leaves us feeling used, dirty. And we know that it’s yet another emotional blow to our sense of pride. For some of us, it appears to be a trait that we struggle to shake, and every time we bounce back from a life problem, it appears there are more to take its place. We can feel hardwired to be this weaker person, but it doesn’t have to be like this. If you feel like people take advantage of you, what are the best ways to change this forever?
Learn Your Frame Of Mind
It can feel like a cloud hanging over us all of the time. We do our best for people, yet time and time again, we get stepped on. Not just the people that we expect to do it for us, but we get to the point that we don’t even realize that we’re being taken advantage of in all areas of life. Slowly, the realization dawns on us that we give off this vibe that we are weak, but when we expect people to be nice all of the time, those little conflicts in life become too much to bear. Maybe someone screams at you in the street because you are blocking their way, or you’ve walked into too many environments where people blatantly ignore what you have to say, or even worse, talk over you as soon as you start a sentence. And as time goes on, we begin to retreat into ourselves, and think that there’s no point in bothering. This is a very dangerous frame of mind to be in because it results in us feeling this low self-worth. We can begin to feel like we’re the one causing all the problems, and it is only a matter of time before this becomes our default mode. When you look at common injury accidents in a public setting, if the person has suffered at the hands of someone else, yet the victim is apologetic, and doesn’t take the opportunity to fight for what is theirs, the cliché of if you “let them walk over you now, they will walk over you for the rest of your life” rings true. It is about your attitude to situations, and you have control over it. It’s not the situations you have control over, but how you react to them.
The Art Of Saying “No”
When you feel people walking all over you, and taking advantage of you for everything you’ve got, is it because you’re saying yes all the time? Some people don’t like to say no, and this can have devastating implications, because this type of person becomes a people pleaser, and they feel that they do everything for everyone else, to the detriment of their own sense of self and happiness. Saying no isn’t about disappointing people, it’s about exerting yourself. As far as psychological battles are concerned, this is one of the biggest. Saying no for the first time can feel like you’ve let someone down, even though you know, deep down, you are saying no for a very good reason. It’s not just about saying known, but when you feel pushed back, learning how to dig your heels in and explaining, not forcefully, but assertively, why you won’t do something, this is all you need. We feel that when we put our defenses up against something like this, but we can expect more push back, but this is really the case. And if it gets to the point that the other person becomes overly assertive, or even pushy, you can let them hang themselves with their own noose, and they will show their true colors. The best way to begin is to say no to small things, and build up your tolerance. The first time you do it, you will feel that you’ve disappointed someone, but gradually, as you become accustomed to it, you will begin to realize the number of things that you’ve compromised yourself on in your life.
Turning This Into A Habit
When we’ve made a conscious decision to assert ourselves, or stop a specific person taking advantage of us, we can feel setbacks. The big mistake we make at this point is that we think we haven’t come very far. And it is a one step forward, two steps back scenario on occasion. What’s important is that you know you are pushing in the right direction. Turning these tricks of confidence into a habit is about reinforcing them, and this isn’t done overnight. It could take months of fine tuning, and learning how to get back in touch with your instincts. Because these negative feelings become learned, we perceive these to be normal, and the same thing happens when we undertake positive practices at altering our frame of mind. Don’t beat yourself up for having a bad day, especially when you’ve made the decision that you’re not going to put up with this sort of thing anymore, because life is all about bad days. If we accept that we will hit stumbling blocks, we can better prepare our psyche to deal with these problems. So many of us, we can’t accept that a problem will ever come up, but this is about striving for the idea of perfection. When people take advantage of us, we have the power to not bother with that sort of person anymore. The bullies out there will turn that on you, and try to make you out but you are weak. This is incorrect. It’s not about being physically strong or being better than others, but when we are made to feel that we are inferior, this drills deep into everything we hate about ourselves. We all encounter these people in our lives, but we don’t have to suffer them. When people try to take advantage of us, whether in friendships, relationships, or in day to day life, we don’t have the power to change them, but we have the power to change us.